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So what did you expect when you got married?

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Our lives are built around expectations at the different stages of our lives. Our resilience is developed as life occasionally fails to live up to expectations.

We started with the famous quote from Abraham Kuyper, at one time the Prime Minister of The Netherlands. He said,

[quote]There is not a square inch in the whole of our human existence, over which Christ, who is Sovereign over all, does not cry ‘Mine!'[/quote]

Our whole discipleship is lived out in our daily living. Following Jesus is never about life on some superior spiritual plane, it’s in the nitty gritty of life. So this will include our relationships, the places where we are formed and shaped.

Throughout the Bible, marriage is regularly spoken about. It seems that people have always been tempted to break the vows that they make to one another. So part of the way we help one another is the way we help one another in these relationships.


There are loads of websites and books about marriage. And most give really good down to earth advice. You could look here:

  • 5 Love Languages: How do you express your love? It might be different than the other person. You can work it out by careful attention over time, or this site offers a chance to do a test together – it’ll begin a conversation at least!
  • Paul Tripp wrote a helpful book on marriage called What Did You Expect? You can also see him talking about it if you search on YouTube.
  • Tim Keller in The Meaning of Marriage offers a view of marriage that is down to earth, sensible and helpful.

But be confident, you don’t need ‘experts’, you know what is needed – all relationships need the same basic ingredients:


Unhurried time when you can talk about things other than whether the bins were put out.


A willingness to say the things that you are anxious about, the things that sound stupid, the things that make you feel weak.


The willingness to believe the best of the other person. The trust that determines to believe the best.


To go through the hard times, with the hope that you will walk through it.


For when it all goes wrong.


That refuses to take it all too seriously.

A prayer

Lord, help us live faithfully and well.

Grant us peace and hope.  May we live for your sake.


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